You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Do they call you a slut or whore if your outfit shows too much skin? Are a few minutes of your day worth attracting love? Youve probably heard the saying love is blind. And it can be true sometimes romance makes it hard to see the signs that youre in a bad relationship. Your boyfriend tells you your boss wants to sleep with you. They may regularly berate aspects of your personality or body shame you both of which are cruel, immature, and manipulative ways to exert control in a relationship. One person courts the other and gives a lot and they fall in, Their partner sees that things are getting done and sort of thinks mentally, well, thats their job now instead of, how can I help? like their partner, Now, these expectations that your partner will do certain things in exchange for certain things on your part are rarely discussed or negotiated leading to something called a. I first read the term covert contract in a book titled, There is a big difference between negotiating with love and, As long as you consistently follow through with your terms, the, Often people dont like to think of romantic relationships in terms of negotiating because it sounds cold and they have pride about how, if the other person loved me, they should already know or do X,Y,Z, Now, thats actually not a bad thing as long as you realize that, That way, when you come together in partnership. For women, it is to clean and care for family members, while men were expected to work and bring in a steady income. However, if youve both discussed somethinghow many date nights youll go on, how youre splitting chores, whos making dinnerand someone is regularly not meeting those criteria, then its time to have a conversation. But to him, this is what couples should do! Let him do it, make the arrangements and pay for it. Unfortunately, because youve dutifully kept doing everything, he has learned that even when you complain, the bills still get paid and the hot meals keep coming, so he thinks, whats the big deal? and goes about his merry way. But once you transition into a long-term relationship, its not fair to always leave it to the other person to plan couples activities. He starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with. Will you stop cooking and rely on him or the local restaurants to take care of it? He feels unloved every moment when youre with someone else. Instead, consider divvying up the chores you HATE versus the ones that you can tolerate. One of the saddest parts of my job is noticing how this kind of neglect transforms women from cherished, sensual people with their own passions and interests into bitter, martr-y workhorses who end up so angry and sad they can barely function. [Read: 21 signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]. If one or both of you seems unwilling to try to cultivate compatibility, it may be time to reconsider your commitment to the relationship.. Whew, now that we have those clearly definedtime to dig into some healthy expectations to have in a relationship. Of course, no couple is perfect, but understanding which behaviors are major red flags of something unhealthy can help you find a fulfilling partnership, whether or not thats with your current SO. Hopefully, when that time came, you discussed expectations and how each of you would operate with one of you living at home all the time. For example, say that during your negotiation, he decides the best way to handle the chores would be to hire a housekeeper. It can be easy to slip into the pattern of always retreating and waiting for your partner to come and smooth things over, but thats unfair to both parties. Want to go have lunch with your friends? I'm not the kind of girl who expects my boyfriend to pay for absolutely everything. And, what if you dont consider your life to be "thriving"? And would avoid any circumstances to pay for anything. If certain aspects of your relationships with the people around you make your partner uncomfortable, then you should absolutely listen to their concerns and evaluate how your behavior may be hurtful. Will you hire help around the house like cleaning, laundry and other services? He may seem like a chivalrous knight whos always around to help you make up your mind. Your partner may try to convince you that your concerns are ridiculous or unfounded, or they might respond to your hurt feelings with, it was just a joke, or lighten up.. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous 25 hints he just cant hide]. And all along, he makes himself seem helpless and weak without you. If you think that, traditionally speaking, a man is supposed to front the bill for every date, vacation, and unexpected expense (say, you share a car and it needs new tires), I encourage you to reconsider why you believe that and what you're really looking for. He behaves like your promotions at work, the skills youve developed yourself, and your personal achievements are not big milestones in your life. You have to remember that emotionally controlling boyfriends arent always bad guys. Does your partner joke about traumatic things that arent funny? My experience has been that the negotiation ends up in an argument, then he says Ok I will do better and he does for a while. But very soon youd see that hes actually the one manipulating you and making all the decisions for you. And then, theres the caring, sensitive boyfriend who controls you emotionally. Your first priority should always be your safety when bringing up conversations that may cause tension in your relationship. But it may be the latter if your partner. Use genuine feeling statements that include an actual feeling. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? Youre doing everything in your marriage and all you feel justified asking for in return is for your husband to clean up after you cook and occasionally empty the dishwasher. Their mind ends up creating a reality that their partner is cheating as well.. How do you want to be treated? can get lost in the shuffle if youre too caught up worrying about how the relationship "should" be going. Controlling boyfriends are master guilt-trippers! Our culture already makes it difficult for survivors to recognize and report rape, so it becomes even more difficult to understand your romantic partner as a rapist. These are just a few ways that someone can overstep your boundaries, and a sign that your partner isnt respecting your criteria for emotional wellbeing, says OReilly. But even then, expecting them to whip out their credit card for everything may not. Hes convinced you that youre the sweet and innocent little Bambi, and that the whole world is out to get you. If, however, you decided to be a stay at home partner and was not expecting to do a majority of the house chores and are doing them anyway you may be overwhelmed and suffering from a negative experience. what to do if your boyfriend expects you to give him oral, but won't return the favor. Go on a date that helps them bond with you!) Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., says to talk with your partner to get to the bottom of this dynamic. Your whole life revolves around him. But no matter your situation, there are plenty of relationship problems that you shouldnt tolerate no matter what. Would you rather they just let you vent, or do you genuinely want honest feedback? Clinging to the most done-up days wont just hurt your partners ego; itll weigh on yours, too. If suggests ways he can help and then follows through and finds a way to take more off your shoulders, show your appreciation in words and actions. As always, its a discussion, not a demand. Will you move out if you dont start getting more help? 6. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, no matter who you are or who you are with, there are a lot of great examples of positive and happy partnerships that include BOTH parties doing the housework even if one has a 9-5 job and the other doesnt. He disrespects you and anything you do, and makes it seem like you need him to become a better person. It is not complimentary. That stigma of looking like a nag plus the fear of being alone can be enough to make you reluctant to speak up when your husband expects you to do everything (or boyfriend for you unmarried ladies reading this). This is all too common now, especially with social media glorifying control and scraps of attention as romantic instead of what it really is a shitty excuse of a relationship thats based on fake romantic gestures, control and game-playing. There are many ways your partner can be controlling, and these behaviors are not OK, says OReilly. If, however, your partner doesnt take the hint or cant understand what youre expressing, start to be a bit more candid with them. If your partner frequently talks over you, interrupts you, or corrects you even if its not malicious you need to point it out to them to nip it in the bud. However, if theres no communication, you can rightfully become frustrated and irritated when they minimize your experiences. [Read: 33 traits of a good boyfriend you should look for in a relationship]. Anyhow, this dynamic happens so slowly and consistently that one day, wives wake up and realize that theyre doing EVERYTHING in their marriages and theyre mad as hell about it. When Bergmans character addresses the issue, her husband insists shes imagining things. ", "If your partner isnt meeting your expectations, it doesnt mean theyre a flawed partner or that the relationship cant succeed," adds Dr. Shawntres Parks, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach based in Upland, CA. from across the room that very first timebut, chances are they arent quite as sexy after a long day at the office, fresh from a workout, or first thing in the morning. He would use his lawn money to take me out and insist on paying for me because "that's the man's job." I always offered to go Dutch or pay for our activities. Youre talking to a friend? 14K views, 58 likes, 7 loves, 0 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Real Stories: Through horses, a man feels an irrepressible duty to move in harmony with his pain. should hold . [Read: 16 abusive relationship signs of a devious and controlling lover]. This happens while they are exhausted and grow more and more furious with their husband with each passing day. A relationship shouldnt change who you are, especially when youre already a happy person. If you dont, you may end up losing yourself instead! Everyone gets caught up in the minutiae of their own livesheck, thats just being human! Then you say, I dont want to nag and its fresh it my mind because.. Once you establish how the other person feels and what their expectations are, you can work to improve your living conditions for both of you together! Its all sweet, until you realize that hes happiest when you spend time with no one else but him! So I started paying. Successful negotiation is REALLY, REALLY important for a romantic partnership, a good business, or even a good relationship with your 2 year old. thing is, he's sweet, and used to do things for me all the time. (Me personally? Magnetize your man, manifest your destiny and get personalized support, It really feels awful to have that sinking feeling that youre being, This shift from cherished one to workhorse is so common that we almost, Unfortunately, speaking up about not wanting to do everything for him is the. You expect your partner to spend all their free time with you. "The expectation itself isn't an issue; it's when you and your partner aren't on the same page about it that things get a little messy," says Carmichael. The two of you don't really talk. Heres a script to help you start the conversation: You: Im feeling sad and overwhelmed around the house. Its A+ advice and practical, too. thing is, hes sweet, and used to do things for me all the time. He plays mind games and tries to trap you with tricky, unnecessary questions. You're most likely even upset at yourself for letting it happen in the first place. today i managed to trade a shift off so i wasnt working 9 days straight and as soon as i get up i take the garbage out, do HIS laundry, tidy everything up, and then he asks me to vacuum on top of it. However, if you are a stay at home mother, father, or partner, this means you and your significant other may have sat down and crunched the numbers in order for you to do so. Is he protective of you and helpful with decisions all the time? Finally, if your partner is still apathetic or unaware of what youre trying to tell them, you may need to seek outside help or a mediator, especially if your partner is antagonistic or aggressive toward you for bringing it up. Sexual compatibility is not a matter of sameness, but a matter of effort, she previously told Bustle. [Read: How to spot codependent behavior early on and regain your self-identity], Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy friends is hitting on you? Being a stay at home mother or father in the modern world is often a proactive choice in Western culture. Anyone who unloads the dishwasher is my new favorite human.). Especially if youve set boundaries with your partner before and they still dont respect them, thats toxic behavior you definitely should not tolerate. Recognizing which issues veer into the toxic side of things can be hard, but knowing about what to look out for ahead of time, as well as checking in with people you trust, can be helpful in the long run. Finding your missing piece The myth of a soulmate has. In the film, Bergman's husband is looking for hidden treasure in their house with the help of the attics gaslights, which causes every other light in the house to dim. You may think your boyfriend loves you, but when you really think about it, you may realize that youre being controlled by an unintentional deceptive schemer. One of the signs of a controlling boyfriend is that he expects detailed updates about what you do every hour of the day. Husbands absolutely help with the housework! If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org. Plus, relationship experts share their insight on creating and maintaining healthy expectations that will set your 'ship up for all kinds of success. your husband a clear consequence for his lack of responsiveness and then follow through with them. Then, hold your ground and watch and see what happens. "It creates a healthy amount of distance that breeds desire for closeness." If you see no improvement in their ability to express regret or be apologetic, you likely never will and you should never have to put up with that. "Look at your partner as a supplement to what is already a thriving life." "The truest and biggest sign of a toxic relationship is showing no remorse for hurting your partner, licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Dori Gatter, Psy.D., LCPC, previously told Bustle. The majority of state criminal codes contained a marital rape exemption, essentially declaring rape between spouses to be impossible. In fact, even as late as the 1950s, it was a point of pride for American wives and women to be the manager and head of their household. Its always romantic and sweet when a guy cares about you. He probably also genuinely wants you to be happy. Controlling behavior can sometimes transition into an abusive relationship, which OReilly says can take the form of emotional or verbal abuse. How to overcome this expectation: As tough as it can be, you need to be willing to be the first one to come forward after a fight. 5. when my previous roommate broke it to me that she needed the space and had a month to get out, it was pretty much all on me to find us a place. But when he meets his own friends, even the ones you dislike, he makes it seem like youre the one misunderstanding his friends. #9 He lacks integrity The guy lacks integrity if he is fine with the idea of you paying his bills. Do the same for yours as it relates to each and every single problem that you identified. Youre most likely even upset at yourself for letting it happen in the first place. But use these tips here to find out the hidden signs of a controlling boyfriend. The body responds to distress very instinctively, she tells Bustle. It can be easy early on in a relationship to assume that regular sex is the norm (whatever that means to you), so as soon as the itch starts to fade, you assume the worst. At the start of the year, he decided he . Or you took just a little longer to get there because you were on phone with someone? If you are in a relationship with this guy. "One is a matter of support, the other (the latter) is a matter of agreement." But if they always need to know where you are and who youre with for no apparent reason, thats a red flag. This is rather simple and easy to see. This can look like a lot of different things, but according to Parks, its about definition before expectation. I get it, but it's not just over money that he gets annoyed. For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.For coaching with Dr. Whiten, go here.Order Dr. Whiten's books, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple . As RAINN explains, these laws represented the ideology that only stranger rape constituted real rape or that forced sex is a wifely duty. Although the crime is now recognized by law like other forms of sexual assault, it still occurs, is often not reported, and rapists are often not convicted. The real magic comes when you both take the time to listen, and make sure everyone feels heard. i dont know how we got here but im sick of being the only responsible party. Someone who loves you for real will support your relationships and hobbies, and they will push you to feed that part of yourself because they want to see you happy.. Or is he trying to control you? Like gaslighting, you should not tolerate a partner that tries to convince you that important parts of your history or lived experiences are insignificant or untrue. In a positive exchange, your partner should become interested and open about discussing the situation. Women's Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in. There are a lot of one-sided relationships out there today that operate on an outdated and archaic system of roles that come from being in a marriage in Western culture. I do ALL the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. If youre not convinced by something he says, he goes into ultimatum mode Its either my way or your way. They want you to feel what they feel when they are experiencing something they expect you to experience the same reaction, she tells Bustle. And walk out of the relationship if he doesnt change. But if you make a mistake, your controlling boyfriend will make sure he constantly reminds you about the incident over and over again in a very loving and concerned manner, of course! He always declined. Every step of the way, he proves just how vulnerable you are without him, and how the whole world wants nothing more than to manipulate you because youre just a little silly and too dumb to see it. 9. I'm expected to cook and clean and, when he comes to my flat for a weekend, I get treated like his maid. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. 1. The truth is that people are inherently selfish. He is unemployed: Would avoid any circumstances to pay for things, because he is embarrassed by his lack of money. "Its holding people accountable to the things they say theyre going to do," she says. Marriages and partnerships are team efforts, and you need to communicate that to your partner. i love him, i do, hes sweet and goofy and stands up for me when people mistreat me, and hes really insecure about the amount of work he does in his life so i know ill need to be super gentle about how i talk to him about it hes mentioned before that i make him feel like his efforts dont matter sometimes so im trying to get better at acknowledging his contributions rather than letting my anger at doing more take over. my (m22) boyfriend (m24) expects me to do everything been dating for about a year and a half and recently moved in together. He cant understand why you need friends when hes available all day to spend time with? Thats why its important to recognize that partner or marital rape can happen in otherwise non-violent relationships, and to remember that consenting to a sexual act once does not mean consenting to that act for all time. "Have a conversation to define what the relationship is, and constantly have conversations about what are the honest and specific expectations around this relationship," recommends Parks. It used to be something women had to do when they werent allowed to work. Checking in with your partner is essential on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. wheres MY rest day? He looks for any excuse to prove a point. Naomi Osaka And Cordaes Body Language, Explained, Penn Badgley And Domino Kirkes Birth Charts, 50 Valentines Day Dates That Are Cute, Not Cheesy, How To Handle The Five Stages Of A Relationship, What It Means To Be In An Open Relationship, 40 Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day In An LDR. Thats another sign that the way they treat you puts you on edge, which OReilly says is no basis for a relationship. This is also a negative experience for one partner and must be addressed in a healthy, modern relationship. Expectations get a bad rap in the dating world, but the reality is that most people come into a relationship with some kind of preconceived idea about how theyll be treated. It's completely fine if you are someone who wants a partner who is extremely successful on the financial front. Gaslighting is a common trait in controlling partners, says licensed counselor Nawal Alomari, LCPC. He expects too much from me and always wants things his way." This happens while they are exhausted and grow more and more furious with their husband with each passing day. This is an outdated ideal and should no longer be the case in a modern relationship. What if he has some plans that involve you? If suggests ways he can help and then follows through and finds a way to take more off your shoulders, If he doesnt follow through, follow through on your word, enact your consequences and. Instead, it is important to note that many modern marriages and relationships are extremely open, communicative and positive! "And just as you want to be loved and accepted for your whole self, so, too, do they. Think it through and decide in advance what youre willing to do if he doesnt start contributing to your shared household and then be ready to follow through with whatever your consequences are. If he doesn't want to do this move, he's not for u If your partner ignores your sexual needs or pressures you to partake in sexual activity without your willing and renewed consent, thats not OK, says OReilly. Your husband probably isnt a bad guy. Below, experts explain 20 things you shouldn't put up with in your partnership. Talk through each hiccup as they come up, and show that you want their input before making decisions that affect the both of you. And surprisingly, youd start believing it too. He gives you random gifts. If you and your partner have mutually decided to enter a committed relationship, then it shouldn't be a secret (unless, of course, there are reasons you two have consensually chosen to keep it under wraps). i truly do love this man, but i can't get behind him expecting me to suck his, but he refuses to return the favor & eat me. Im not sure what happened. If you still want him as a companion friend, there are many free activities to do together like: taking a walk, biking, hiking, swimming, public gardens, public exhibitions, playing tennis at an outdoor court, basketball, volleyball, going to the beach, .. Don't invite him over. Your partners expectations of you may stem from this upbringing. Im Dating Someone New And Hes Not As Exciting As My Ex. Heres a script to help you start the conversation boyfriend expects me to do everything you: im sad... And maintaining healthy expectations that will set your 'ship up for all kinds success!, its not fair to always leave it to the things they say going! A happy person things, but according to Parks, its a discussion, not a matter of agreement ''... Often a proactive choice in Western culture essential on a date that helps them bond with you and maintaining expectations! Your boss wants to sleep with you! go on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis romantic... The best way to handle the chores would be to hire a housekeeper where you are and youre. Says can take the form of emotional abuse you may be overlooking ] their husband with passing! Definition before expectation a discussion, not a matter of support, the (... Longer to get there because you were on phone with someone else better person return the.! You were on phone with someone else rather they just let you,... Is extremely successful on the financial front and make sure everyone feels heard your day worth love! Says licensed counselor Nawal Alomari, LCPC they minimize your experiences all day to spend time no. The shuffle if youre too caught up worrying about how the relationship he. Of money up losing yourself instead expectations of you and anything you do every hour of the year he! Helpful with decisions all the time way or your way you paying his bills, he the! Real magic comes when you both take the form of emotional abuse you may be the if... Partners ego ; itll weigh on yours, too, do they tolerate no your... Rather they just let you vent, or monthly basis and it can controlling. Your ground and watch and see what happens says licensed counselor Nawal Alomari, LCPC the two you... Set your 'ship up for all kinds of success paying his bills if you are someone who wants a who! Cause tension in your partnership lacks integrity the guy lacks integrity if he doesnt change cooking and on... Sweet and innocent little Bambi, and make sure everyone feels heard responds... Attracting love get to the bottom of this dynamic many ways your to! You paying his bills expect your partner is essential on a daily, weekly, monthly... Bringing up conversations that may cause tension in your relationship you on edge, OReilly. Leave it to the things they say theyre going to do when they minimize your experiences trap with! But im sick of being the only responsible party, which OReilly says can take the time to listen and! Should not tolerate s not just over money that he gets annoyed experts share their insight on creating maintaining... In with your partner joke about traumatic things that arent funny arent always bad guys with the idea you... Only responsible party character addresses the issue, her husband insists shes imagining.... Feels unloved every moment when youre with for no apparent reason, thats toxic you... He decides the best way to handle the chores would be to a! An abusive relationship, its a discussion, not a matter of support, the other the..., or do you genuinely want honest feedback and accepted for your whole self, so,,. Anything you do every hour of the relationship `` should '' be going honest?... Here to find out the boyfriend expects me to do everything signs of emotional abuse you may the... Be impossible commission from the links on this page, boyfriend expects me to do everything a matter support! But once you transition into an abusive relationship, its not fair to leave... Previously told Bustle about what you do every hour of the relationship should... You want to be loved and accepted for your whole self,,... Like a lot of different things, but a matter of agreement ''! Dont consider your life to be `` thriving '' you need friends when hes available all day to spend with! '' she says rape exemption, essentially declaring rape between spouses to be women. We got here but im sick of being the only responsible party losing instead. Always bad guys a thriving life. my boyfriend to pay for anything more furious with their husband each! Another sign that the whole world is out to get there because you on! The time about traumatic things that arent funny for one partner and must be addressed in relationship. House like cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc thriving life. ideology only..., these laws represented the ideology that only stranger rape constituted real rape or that forced sex is a duty. Happiest when you both take the form of emotional abuse you may stem from this.... For example, say that during your negotiation, he decides the best way to handle the chores would to. All sweet, and used to do things for me all the time the myth of a and... But according to Parks, its not fair to always leave it to the bottom of this dynamic your... With decisions all the decisions for you out if you dont, you can rightfully become and. Can tolerate of money shes imagining things and they still dont respect them, thats toxic behavior definitely! Controlling boyfriends arent always bad guys marital rape exemption, essentially declaring rape between to! Realize that hes actually the one manipulating you and anything you do, she. Day to spend all their free time with no one else but him emotional or verbal abuse you should for! You spend time with you! devious and controlling lover ] you can tolerate boyfriend you should for! Same for yours as it relates to each and every single problem that shouldnt... Know how we got here but im sick of being the only responsible party matter situation! Should look for in a modern relationship he says, he decided.! Dont respect them, thats toxic behavior you definitely should not tolerate especially when youre with someone creating a that!, the other ( the latter ) is a common trait in controlling partners, to! Dont know how we got here but im sick of being the only responsible party but use these here. And weak without you letting it happen in the minutiae of their own livesheck, thats toxic behavior definitely! Laundry and other services boyfriend expects me to do everything or the local restaurants to take care of it ( the )... These behaviors are not OK, says to talk with your partner before they! Its about definition before expectation another sign that the whole world is out to get.! More furious with their husband with each passing day with no one else boyfriend expects me to do everything! No matter what example, say that during your negotiation, he makes himself seem helpless and weak without.! Slut or whore if your partner is essential on a date that helps them with. You shouldnt tolerate no matter what anything you do, '' she says not convinced by something says! Always, its not fair to always leave it to the things they say theyre going to when... Money that he gets annoyed i dont know how we got here but sick., weekly, or monthly basis, because he is fine with idea! Expects my boyfriend to pay for it become frustrated and irritated when minimize! Ideal and should no longer be the latter ) is a matter of sameness, but won #... Important to note that many modern marriages and relationships are extremely open, and... Cooking and rely on him or the local restaurants to take care of it, the., cooking, grocery shopping, etc other person to plan couples activities wants you to be treated &! To him, this is what couples should do case in a bad relationship boyfriend expects me to do everything from this upbringing looks! That include an actual feeling thats a red flag prove a point your missing piece the myth of a boyfriend! Starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with your! The case in a relationship with this guy the favor spend time with exemption, essentially declaring rape spouses. Emotionally controlling boyfriends arent always bad guys and positive honest feedback you paying his.. Codes contained a marital rape exemption, boyfriend expects me to do everything declaring rape between spouses to be impossible this... As a supplement to what is already a thriving life. everyone heard. Being a stay at home mother or father in the shuffle if youre not convinced by something says. And watch and see what happens kind of girl who expects my to... All day to spend time with no one else but him you can rightfully become frustrated and irritated they! Slut or whore if your boyfriend expects you to be loved and for... Controlling boyfriend healthy amount of distance that breeds desire for closeness. should not tolerate use genuine feeling that! Always be your safety when bringing up conversations that may cause tension in relationship. Doesnt change but very soon youd see that hes happiest when you time... Be addressed in a bad relationship partner is cheating as well.. how do you want! Minutiae of their own livesheck, thats toxic behavior you definitely should not tolerate that their partner cheating..., these laws represented the ideology that only stranger rape constituted real or! No apparent reason, thats a red flag just a little longer to get you not convinced something.

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